Daily Drabble Challenge
by alynwa
Summary: I'm consolidating all drabbles written for the Challenge here.
1. Breakfast

"Papa and Daddy! I made breakfast!"

Illya came into the kitchen. "You did? You are three years old! Where is it?"

"On the table. See?"

Illya looked and saw three plates; two contained a banana, an apple and some grapes while the third held two bananas, two apples and three times as many grapes.

Napoleon entered and Leona grabbed his hand and led him to his seat. "Leona, why does that plate have more food?"

"Because you said Papa eats more than we do and that is where he sits."

"Partner Mine, even our daughter knows your appetite is legendary.".


	2. Lunch

Lunch

Illya was speechless. He had never seen anything like it; he had never _heard _of anything like it. His American partner was sitting at a table watching him with amusement as the Russian turned slowly in a circle to take it all in.

"Napoleon, this is wonderful! Thank you so much for bringing me here. I think this is my favorite place in all of New York City! What is it called again?"

"Horn and Hardant's Food Automat."

Illya placed coins in a slot and pulled out a sandwich. "America is amazing," he said before taking a bite.


	3. Dinner

Dinner

"Hello, Napoleon. Mr. Waverly asked me to bring this…Are you expecting company?"

"No, just you, Partner."

"Linen napkins, china, gold plated cutlery, crystal glasses; what is for dinner?"

"Steak, lobster, baked potatoes, salad, wine and Boston cream pie."

"_Boszhe moi, _if you had come to my house for dinner, we would be eating Chinese off paper plates with plastic forks."

"Napoleon Solo's kitchen is a paper and plastic free zone, my friend."

"Why is that?" the Russian asked.

"I deserve the best because I'm worth it. And, you're here because you are, too."

"To friendship."


	4. Snack

Snack

Illya closed his desk drawer and glared across the desks at his partner.

"Napoleon, what is that in your hand?"

"This? Just a Mr. Goodbar. Want some?"

"Where did you get it?"

"Its got peanuts in it."

"I know. Where did you get it?"

"Well, I wanted to finish my reports and I was getting hungry so…"

"You went into my desk and stole it. And now, you offer to share _my _candy with me?"

"Sharing is caring. If you prefer, I'll buy you one for yourself."

"I _had _one for myself! Buy me a Baby Ruth."

"Okay."


	5. The Vegas Chronicles: Vacation

Illya sat looking through the brochures left on the table in their hotel room. "Napoleon, you have been here before. Have you gone to see Lake Mead?"

"No."

"Hoover Dam?"

"No."

"The M&M Museum?"

"_What? _No."

"You have not gone to the popular tourist attractions so, what do you do when you are here?"

"Play baccarat. And, Musical Beds."

"You are incorrigible."

"I am a hedonist; there's a difference."

The Russian shrugged his shoulders. "Now I understand why Mr. Waverly insisted we spend this vacation together as soon as he heard your destination."

"We're loose in Vegas!"


	6. The Vegas Chronicles:On the Casino Floor

"Napoleon, why do you continue to play this slot machine?"

"Because it's hot. Look how much money I've taken out of it."

"Slot machines spin based on mathematical formulas. There is no such thing as a 'hot machine.'

"Whatever you say, Partner Mine."

"I am not making this up, Napoleon! I can show you articles…"

"And, I can show you the buckets of coins I have extracted from this machine. Do me a favor."

"Sure."

"Take those two buckets of quarters to the cashier's window."

"Oof! They weigh a ton!"

"The machine is hot, Tovarisch! Hot machine!"


	7. The Vegas Chronicles: Breakfast Buffet

Napoleon was moving along the Sahara's buffet choosing what he wanted when he looked behind him and noticed Illya's plate.

Laughingly, he said, "Illya, the buffet is 'all you can eat' not, 'all you can eat on _one plate!'_ You can go back for more. Really."

"I intend to, Napoleon, this is only my first helping." He placed sausage, bacon and ham next to the potatoes, pancakes, eggs and waffles already there.

As Illya squeezed fruit into the little space left on the plate, Napoleon whispered, "Illya, people are starting to stare!"

"Let them! I love Las Vegas!"


	8. The Vegas Chronicles: Rats

"Napoleon, explain to me why we are going to see rats in a pack? This is some type of circus act, _da_?"

"Not 'rats in a pack.' Rat Pack, as in Frank, Dean, and Sammy. They're appearing together at the Sands."

"Who are they?"

"They are famous American singers who are friends and like to work together sometimes. You look confused, Illya."

"We are friends and we work together…"

"Yes."

"So, we are considered 'rats?'"

"No, and neither are they."

"They are the Rat Pack but, they are not considered rats?"

"Right."

"There is much strangeness in Las Vegas."


	9. The Vegas Chronicles: Dust Devils

"Napoleon! Come look at this!"

"I can't see the mountains! Is that fog?"

"It is a sandstorm! It is incredible, is it not?"

"It's okay. Come on, let's go to the casino."

"Really, Napoleon, the desert is beautiful. Let us drive to the edge of the storm so that I can take pictures.

"If the casino owners wanted me to appreciate nature, they would have put the baccarat tables outdoors."

"You are hopeless," Illya said in exasperation.

"We can eat fir-erst," the American sing – songed.

Sandstorm and desert forgotten, Illya grabbed his jacket. "Let us go."


	10. The Vegas Chronicles: Vacation Exercise

"Napoleon, wake up. This hotel has a heated pool; let's go swimming."

The American snuggled into his bed. "No," he said, "I get enough exercise pulling the one – armed bandit."

"Napoleon!" Illya gasped.

"Get your mind out of the gutter; I'm talking about slot machines."

"Oh. Anyway, you will regret your inactivity when we return to work."

"I've been doing lots of push – ups."

"Really? When?"

"When I'm playing Musical Beds."

Illya snorted, "Now whose mind is in the gutter?"

"Sex is great exercise; you should try it sometime."

"I prefer the pool. See you later."


	11. The Vegas Chronicles: Showgirls

"_Bozhe moi! _Napoleon, those women's breasts are exposed! You did not say we were going to a strip club!"

Napoleon laughed at his partner's shocked expression. "We are not in a strip club. We are in a club on The Strip! Those are authentic Vegas showgirls. People come from all around the world to see a Vegas extravaganza. Your trip wouldn't be complete if I didn't bring you to at least one."

The Russian sniffed, "Women in the USSR would never be caught doing something so scandalous."

"Thank goodness! I've _seen _the women of Russia."


	12. Illya and Cats

"Why do you insist on feeding these little beasts, Illya?"

"I like cats, Napoleon. They remind me of me."

"Oh, this I have to hear. How do they remind you of you?"

"Cats are independent, yet capable of being around others. They are solitary, yet will respond affectionately to the right person. They can survive on their own, yet will accept care and companionship if it is offered in the right way. When I first arrived in America, I was very wary of everyone I came in contact with, until you. I learned to trust you."

"Of course you did."


	13. Hotel Stay

"What are you watching, Illya?"

"Public television; a show about the life of Albert Einstein."

"_Boring!" _Napoleon changed the channel and then sat down on his hotel bed.

"What is that you are watching, Napoleon?"

"Gunsmoke, I really like James Arness. He played The Thing in the movie "The Thing."

Illya stared. "You changed channels so I can watch a man who played a thing star in a Western? I am going to read."

"If we are to remain partners, you're going to have to broaden your cultural horizons."

"I do not think they will ever be that broad."


	14. Leftovers

They walked into Napoleon's apartment and he, knowing his partner's bottomless stomach, went to the fridge to apprise him of what was there. "Ah, I have chicken cutlets, spaghetti Florentine, tossed salad, an ear of corn, some broccoli, oh, there's some steak and half a baked potato. What do you want?"

Illya held Napoleon's head down while he opened the freezer and retrieved his vodka. "What are you eating?"

"I'm opening a can of clam chowder."

"Then I will eat everything else. I am hungry."

"I love it when you eat the leftovers," Napoleon opined.


	15. Rescue Aftermath

"_A__choo!"_

"Drink this tea, Tovarisch; you feel better. There's honey and lemon in it."

The Russian growled, "I would not need tea or to feel better if you knew how to swim! _Bozhe moi, _bring me another blanket!"

"It's difficult to swim in handcuffs, Partner Mine. Look on the bright side: The Old Man gave me time off to take care of you and you're here in my penthouse instead of that dreary little walk – up or yours."

"This tea tastes very good, Napoleon."

"It should; it's mostly vodka."

"Just what the doctor ordered. _Spacibo._"


	16. The Vegas Chronicles: Posing

"Illya, will you please smile so we can have our picture taken? Stop being a killjoy!"

"What is the point of posing in front of this sign? We know we are in Las Vegas! Thanks to you, I almost crashed the car swerving into the lane to turn in here."

"The 'Welcome to Las Vegas' sign is iconic, Tovarisch. My vacation photos would be incomplete without this shot."

"You did not think that until you saw the busload of French female tourists disembark."

"Smile and be quiet! I'm asking the one with my camera out for drinks."

"_Сыр!_ (Cheese!)


	17. The Vegas Chronicles: Posing II

"Illya, stop being a pain! Do this for me," Napoleon beseeched, "Marie won't go out with me if you don't take Yvette."

"It is not enough that I posed in front of the 'Welcome' sign and I now stand posing by the 'Leaving Las Vegas' sign. Now, I am supposed to spend my money entertaining a French girl while I am tortured by your incredibly bad French accent?"

"A _cute_ French girl, I'll spring for dinner and they do speak English. She took the picture! Here they come, what do you say?"

"I say: You owe me."


	18. The Vegas Chronicles: The Date

"Napoleon, darling, the meal was exquisite! Lobster, steak, champagne; _magnifique!_ _Merci beaucoup!_"

"Ma_ cherie, _you deserve better than this paltry meal," Napoleon replied smoothlyas he ignored Illya's eye roll. "Illya, I think the ladies would enjoy seeing Wayne Newton tonight."

Illya's date squealed with delight, "_Oui, _Napoleon! Oh, Illya, please take me? Please? I would be…" she purred as she rubbed his thigh under the table, "_ever _so grateful."

Illya was thinking that this was not going to be a bad evening when the hairs on the back of his head stood up. "Napoleon, we are being watched."


	19. The Vegas Chronicles: The Date II

Napoleon took a sip of water while he quickly scanned the room. "Two guys, black suits, shirts, white ties at 3 o'clock."

The Russian glanced to his left. "I do not know them."

"I do," Marie said, "They are friends of Lou Lederer*. We went on two dates, but he is a pig so I refused more."

Illya groaned, "Wonderful, Napoleon; you managed to get a date with a mobster's girlfriend."

Marie huffed, "I am _not_ his girlfriend! There is Lou now."

As the man approached, Illya said, "It seems he would disagree."

*Lou Lederer, a representative of the Chicago Mob, was the front man of the Tropicana Hotel and Casino when it was managed by Frank Costello.


	20. The Vegas Chronicles: The Date III

Lou walked to the table while his "friends" hung back and watched. "Good evening, folks. There seems to have been a miscommunication; Marie is supposed to be with _me _tonight." He glared at Napoleon. "You and your friend here should escort _this_ lady while Marie leaves with me. That would be the…_healthy _thing to do."

Napoleon opened his mouth to respond, but stopped when he saw the Russian's signal. "The healthy thing for _you _to do is realize who I am," Illya warned. "Frank Costello will kill you himself if you cross me. Do so at your peril."


	21. The Vegas Chronicles: The Date IV

"You ain't nobody!" Lou snarled.

"No?" Illya replied calmly as he signaled for a phone to be brought to the table. He dialed and waited. "Hello, Frank? This is Vladimir Rushenko. Please tell _Lou _who I am." He handed the phone to the shocked man. "It's for you."

Lou listened and blanched. "Yes, Boss. Sure, Boss. Alright, Boss. Bye." His demeanor completely changed. "I'm sorry, Mr. Rushenko. Your meal is comped. Please let me know what else I can do for you."

"Leave us alone," Illya said coldly.

As he slinked away, Napoleon asked, "What just happened?"


	22. The Vegas Chronicles: The Date V

Illya excused them from the table and whispered, "As Vladimir, I saved Frank Costello's life when I infiltrated the Russian Mafia's Izmaylovskaya gang* a year ago."

Napoleon was shocked. "You never told me that!"

Illya shrugged. "I don't tell you everything."

Napoleon replied, "Apparently. That's a tale to tell me over drinks one day."

"Perhaps." Turning around, Illya said, "Ladies, Wayne Newton awaits. Are we ready to go?"

Yvette put her arm through Illya's. "_Oui, _but I thought your name was Illya?"

"It is my middle name."

The happy foursome's date lasted till the wee hours. It was a good evening.

The Izmaylovskaya gang, one of the oldest Russian Mafia groups in Moscow had a presence in New York City.


	23. The Vegas Chronicles: All Good Things

"Illya, you seem down."

"We return to NY in two days' time. I will miss this place."

"Me too, _Tovarisch. _What will you miss the most: The shows, the Strip, the women, the gambling?"

"None of that."

"What then? The free liquor? You can't possibly think you'll miss the gangsters!"

"You will laugh."

"Maybe. Tell me anyway."

"I will miss the buffets. I have never had such plentiful, delicious, inexpensive food before; I hope to return one day."

"We definitely will, Partner. We definitely will."

"It is time for the dinner buffet at the Sands."

"Let's go."


	24. Money Matters

"Illya, lend me fifty dollars until payday."

The Russian stared at his partner like he had grown a second head. "_Fifty dollars? _For what?"

"I promised Laura I would take her dancing at the Cheetah tonight and I…"

"Sorry, Napoleon, I refuse to finance your good time. Again. I have heard you are a wealthy man, why do you need _my_ money?"

"My wealth is held in investments controlled by my Aunt Amy. I don't have access to them, yet."

"By the time you get access, you will have to sign half of it over to me."

"I know."


	25. Money Matters: The Pool

"Illya, I've asked Marian in Translations out for drinks tomorrow. If you ask Kellie, we can double."

The Russian sighed, "I cannot ask her or any UNCLE employee out, Napoleon. I discovered there is a $500 office pool to be awarded to whoever guesses who goes out with the 'Ice Prince'."

"You know about that?"

"_You _know about it? Napoleon," Illya growled, "What did you do?" Realization hit suddenly. "You bet on Kellie!"

Blushing, Napoleon replied, "I figured you would rather win money _for_ me instead of lending it _to _me. I'm trying to help _you _out."

"Thanks."


	26. Quick Fast in a Hurry

The shot ricocheted too close to Napoleon's head for comfort. "Illya!" he called as his partner calmly picked the lock that was blocking them from freedom, "A little alacrity right now would be greatly appreciated!"

"I am almost there, Napoleon," the Russian replied unhurriedly.

"I can't hold them much longer!"

Illya unlocked the door and in one fluid motion, yanked Napoleon out with him while lobbing a grenade through as Napoleon pulled the door shut before turning to run behind his partner.

Brushing himself off, he remarked, "Cutting it close, weren't you?"

"We are alive, stop complaining."


	27. First Week

"Why'd The Old Man let a Commie into UNCLE? Stinks to have a Commie period, but in _New York?"_

"I heard the CIA follows him everywhere; when they find that pinko's handlers, they'll throw his ass in jail so fast his head will... Mr. Solo! May we help you?"

"Yes, stop spewing your ignorant rants in this commissary, these hallways and these offices or you can man our Antarctica facility and rant all you want. Which is it?"

"Um, we'll stop, sir; sorry."

"Here's your coffee, Illya. Sorry I took so long."

"Anything happen?"

"No."


	28. Pony Tale

"Daddy?"

"Yes, Leona?"

"Can I have a pony?"

"_May _I."

"_May _I have a pony, Daddy?"

"There's no room for a pony in the penthouse."

"You could ask Uncle Lamont to keep it in the backyard."

"That's not enough room for a pony, either; ponies need lots of space."

"Like in the country?"

"Just like in the country."

"May we move to the country?"

"No, we may not. There are city mice and country mice. Papa, you and I are city mice. We belong in New York City."

"Yes, Daddy. Daddy?"

"Yes, Leona?"

"May I have a mouse?"


	29. Changing Times

The giggling stopped when Napoleon and Illya entered the Commissary. They nodded hello to the secretaries, who smiled and watched as the men got their coffee and left.

"I bet you Illya's better."

"How? He doesn't seem to date."

"Still waters run deep. He's probably a screamer and that makes him better in my book."

"Mine, too."

"Hello, girls."

"Agent Dancer! Hello."

"My colleagues are very private individuals who will be appalled to know their techniques are discussed in public."

"_Will?"_

"Will." April walked away.

"A woman in Section II is a gossip stopper."

"Things are changing."


	30. The More Things Stay the Same

"A woman in Section II! April Dancer, what kind of idiotic name is _that_?"

"She's got no business there; she's going to get her partner killed! Mark's crazy to let Napoleon assign… Illya! Mark! How are you?"

"Fine. Mark and I need to demonstrate self – defense moves for the secretarial staff. You just volunteered to help. Come."

"Illya?"

"Napoleon."

"Why are Smith and Jones in Medical claiming you and Mark beat them up?"

"It was a class demonstration. I do not think they will speak ill of April again, though."

"It's good to know chivalry lives."


	31. Decisions, Decisions

"Illya, what are you doing? Are you OK?"

"Yes. No. I am not sure. So many choices; it is a little overwhelming. I want to look at everything."

"Pick something! I don't want to spend an hour in the candy aisle waiting for you to make a decision."

"But, Napoleon, there is milk chocolate, semi – sweet chocolate, chocolate with almonds, with raisins, candy – coated, white chocolate, chocolate – covered coconut bars…"

"Illya," Napoleon snarled impatiently, "I am about to leave you here!"

"Alright, I have chosen. Let us get sandwiches."

"Should I get turkey or ham or tuna or…"

"Napoleon!"


	32. Hunger Pains

"Illya, what are you eating?"

"Nevermind; you are not getting any."

"What? I'm your partner and I'm starving. You won't feed me?"

"Napoleon, we are not in a jungle; we are in our office. Go buy your own sandwich!"

"I'm broke until payday! Feed me, please!"

"No."

"Please? Illya, are we not members of the same lodge, pages of the same book, eggs of the same carton?"

"I think hunger has made you delirious."

"Maybe it has."

"Good grief, Napoleon! Here, take this half and shut up!"

"Bless you, Tovarisch!"

"Less religion and more silence, Solo!"


	33. Capacity for Violence

Ripples of excitement coursed through the Commissary as Mark Slate, April Dancer, Napoleon Solo and Illya Kuryakin came through the doors and got on line to buy their lunch.

As they took seats at a table near the back of the room, April asked, "It is always like this?"

"What, Luv?"

"People react to Section IIs like they're a little afraid. I emptied a ladies' room just by entering."

"It's Illya's fault; he decked a lab tech who touched him unexpectedly," Napoleon said, "Until then, our capacity for violence was only a rumor. Get used to it."


	34. Capacity for Violence: The Truth

"Stop glaring at me, Illya! I was kidding!"

"Why would you lie to Mark and April that I punched a lab tech when it was _your _reaction to a secretary jumping playfully on your back that put the fear of Section II into every maiden aunt in the building?"

"April needed an answer and I'm still a little embarrassed by that incident."

"As well you should be."

"I suffered for weeks!"

"Excuse me if I don't agree that no one wanting to date you for a few months counts as suffering."

"With my libido it is."

"I see."


	35. Family Matters

"Aunt Amy! What a pleasant surprise; what brings you here?"

"Napoleon, I have to tell you something embarrassing."

Gently, he led her to the couch. "What's wrong?"

Wiping her eyes, she murmured, "I've been seeing someone and I think he's…stealing from me."

Quietly furious, he asked, "Why are you embarrassed? You're a victim!"

"How can I trust my judgment again? This is the first man I've socialized with since…," she couldn't finish.

Kissing her cheek, Napoleon said, "Give me his name and contact information, dear. Illya and I'll take care of it."


	36. Family Matters II

When Illya heard what transpired the day before, he was livid. "Napoleon, this _Черт собаки_(damn dog) made Aunt Amy _cry? _When are we going to visit him?"

"After work; we have no time for this foolishness; our flight leaves at noon tomorrow." Napoleon's smile turned bloodthirsty. "This is what I need you to do_." _As he spoke, Illya's grin matched his partner's.

"_Da, _I'll be ready."

At 7PM, Napoleon knocked on a door in the Hotel Pennsylvania. "Wendell LeBlanc?"

The man opened the door. "Yes?"

Pushing in, he growled, "We want a word with you."


	37. Family Matters III

"Don't hurt me! Take my money!" Wendell begged, backing away from the dangerous looking men with drawn guns .

"Don't you mean take _Amy Solo's_ money?"

"_What? _Who are you guys?"

"Her nephew, Napoleon Solo and this is my associate."

"I thought she made you up! Who names their kid _Napoleon_?"

"Nevermind. Where are Amy's possessions?"

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"Wrong answer. Illya?"

The Russian pulled a wicked – looking hypo from his pocket. Wendell opened his mouth to scream, but was silenced and jabbed at the same time.

"You'll answer _now._"


	38. Family Matters IV

Illya settled the limp man into a chair. "The truth serum is working well. Can you hear me, Wendell?" he asked softly.

"Yes."

"What did you take from Amy Solo?"

"Five diamond rings, a watch, ruby earrings and $1000."

Illya had to stop Napoleon from punching the man in the face.

"Where are her things?" Napoleon demanded.

"My suitcase."

Napoleon dumped the case upside down and took Amy's things back plus $500 of his money.

"She's too embarrassed to press charges; wipe his memory of Amy and us and send him back to Louisiana.

"With pleasure, _moy droog."_


	39. Family Matters V

"Boys! I wasn't expecting to see you tonight."

"Sorry to stop by so late, Aunt Amy, but we wanted to give you your things before we leave tomorrow. Wendell was very apologetic; he threw in $500 to make up for his…indiscretion."

Illya added, "He will not be back."

"Good. Would you boys like tea?"

"We can't stay, but we will come for dinner when we return. Goodnight, Aunt Amy."

They received their kisses and as they entered the elevator, Napoleon asked Illya, "You know he won't return?"

"I made him afraid of New York City."

"Ha!"


	40. Alaska Blues

"Napoleon, stop complaining! The temperature is not that bad."

"Illya, we're in Alaska and I'm freezing my kiester off! I have a right to complain."

"What is your 'kiester'? I do not understand."

"It's my behind!"

"I am sure your behind will be fine once we check in at the inn."

"Why would THRUSH build a lab near Skagway, anyway? There's nothing here but wilderness!"

"I believe you have just answered your own question. Tomorrow, we will go look for the lab."

"There are no roads into the mountains."

"We will take two dog sleds."

"_What?"_


	41. Alaska Blues II

"I don't know how, but you planned this!"

"You are being ridiculous, Napoleon, how could I know there would only be one sled team? You seem quite comfortable mushing the dogs."

"Not as comfortable as you seem sitting wrapped in furs!"

"Someone has to use the binoculars. Wait, I see something! Yes, there looks to be a cave about a mile away."

"Good. We'll head back to town, load up snowmobiles with supplies and sneak back tonight to confirm it's THRUSH's lab and destroy it. Your turn to mush!"

Wrapped in furs, Napoleon said, "Home, James!"


	42. Alaska Blues III

Dressed in white, gray and black camouflage gear they hiked the last mile to the base of the mountain where the cave sat. Stealthily, they approached the mouth and paused to listen; the sound of machinery came from within. Two guards stood outside, almost blending into the background.

The agents pulled their weapons, aimed and darted them. Switching clothes and grabbing the rifles, they walked into the cave far enough to see lab – coated men looking at several gauges on a huge piece of equipment.

"What is that?"

"Doesn't matter; so it must be destroyed."

Illya nodded. "Of course."


	43. Alaska Blues IV

Not seeing any other guards, they stood up and confronted the scientists.

"Hands up! You have two choices: Surrender and live or don't and die."

As Napoleon kept his gun on them, Illya quickly dispersed explosives with timers around the cave. "We have three minutes," he whispered when he regained his partner's side.

"It's time to go! Move!"

As one THRUSH moved to leave, another pulled a gun and killed him. "No surrender!" he screamed.

"So be it," Illya said. Running to safety, he lobbed a grenade to start the firestorm.

The concussion knocked both men down.


	44. Alaska Blues V

"Napoleon! Where are you?" Illya had been blown partway down the mountain, but had landed in a snowdrift reasonably unhurt. He looked around and saw his partner lying against a fallen tree.

Racing to his side, he was relieved to see he had only had the wind knocked out of him. Helping him up he asked, "Can you walk?"

Nodding _yes_, he allowed the Russian to pull him upright. Looking behind him, he exclaimed, "You can't even tell a cave was there!"

Illya grinned. "Mission accomplished. Let's go."

"I hope I never see Alaska again, _Tovarisch. _Too cold."


	45. Heatwave

"This heat is ridiculous! I'm sweltering and my pants crease is ruined!"

"Napoleon," Illya huffed in exasperation, "you are never satisfied. You complained about the cold in Alaska and now you complain about the heat in NY!"

"Hazy, hot and humid is a normal NY summer; hazy, hot, humid and a hundred is _not._ Thank God HQ and my apartment are air conditioned."

"That reminds me: What is for dinner?"

"_What?_"

"I will be staying with you during this heatwave. My place is not air conditioned."

Napoleon sighed, "Be glad I like you. Of course you may stay"

"Thanks."


	46. Heatwave II

"Illya! Come look at the lightning! This is some storm!"

Illya shrugged and continued to read his magazine. "No, thank you; it is enough to know the storm will break the heat."

Napoleon turned in time to see his partner flinch at a thunderclap. "Well I'll be…Thunderstorms scare you! Who would have thought _that?_"

Illya growled, "Anyone who can imagine a child in a war zone listening to bombs fall and watching flashes as they exploded."

Chastened, Napoleon sat next to him and said, "I'm sorry, Partner. I meant no harm."

"I know you didn't, Napoleon."


	47. Heatwave III

"So, Illya…"

The Russian looked up from his periodical. "Yes?"

"The temperature is only hitting 85 today. The heatwave is over."

"Yes, I watched the weather report." As Napoleon squirmed he asked, "What is it?"

"_Moy brat_, I love you; I've killed for you and I would die for you."

"I know; so?"

"You've got to go. You're driving me crazy! You leave your clothes everywhere, you leave dishes in the sink…"

"I do the same when we are on a mission."

"Missions end. You're my best friend; keep it that way. Goodbye."

"Alright, Napoleon. Goodbye."


	48. Night Moves

They left Mr. Waverly's office and headed to their office. Napoleon knew the Russian was fuming so he thought of ways to escape his wrath unscathed. "It really isn't my fault…"

He was cut off immediately. "Yes, it is! The microdot would not have been accidentally destroyed if you had not been flirting with that stewardess! Now, we are _both_ stuck working the overnight shift for a week."

"I was being punished; you didn't have to volunteer to join me."

"Blockhead, I am your partner; what happens to you happens to me. You owe me dinner."

"Done."


	49. The Crush

"You are the sweetest little lady I have ever met!" There was a brief pause. "No, _you_ are! All I want to do is kiss you."

Napoleon's fist stopped just before knocking on Illya's door. _He sounds so smitten! _He almost walked away. Almost. "Illya!" he called as he knocked, "Open the door!"

Immediately, he heard the locks tumble and the door opened. Glancing around quickly, he saw no one. He noticed a gray kitten snuggled against Illya's chest. "The sweet little lady, I presume?"

"I am catsitting for a neighbor. She is adorable."

"You amaze me."


	50. Getting Ready

"Napoleon, how can you not be ready? We have to be on a plane in three hours! It took me ten minutes to pack."

"Unlike you, I care about my appearance."

"What is _in _there?"

"Extra shirts, underwear, slacks…"

Illya's eyebrows shot up. "_Slacks?_"

"Remember Pamploma? I'm not walking through the streets that way again!"

"That is what a sewing kit is for and I have one. What _now_?"

"I'm putting in cologne. I could use another pair of socks."

"Napoleon, if you don't finish…"

"Shaving cream…"

Illya exploded, "Will you just finish packing!"

"Okay, Illya."


	51. Discovery

Illya was mesmerized. The group on the television was playing their song that had just become popular in America. He felt like the band was speaking directly to him. He made a note of the name of the group and their album and made plans to go to J&R's Music World across from City Hall to buy it.

His partner's knock interrupted his train of thought. Napoleon entered his apartment with his key and asked, "What are you watching?"

"The Ed Sullivan Show. I am enjoying this act."

"Oh? Who are they, Partner?"

"They are the Beatles."


	52. In a Mood

"Napoleon, I am supposed to be the 'brooding' partner. What has you in such a contemplative state?"

Illya watched as his partner sighed and sat back in his chair. "Do you ever feel like: What's the point? We give our blood, sweat and tears for this job and so what. We all end up as worm food, anyway."

"I have never heard you so pessimistic. Has something happened?"

"One of my childhood friends just died. I guess that's coloring how I'm seeing the world and my place in it now."

"It will get better, Napoleon."

"I know."


	53. In a Better Mood

"Illya, let's go to the movies! Afterwards, we'll get take out, head back to my place and watch TV."

The Russian studied his partner and observed, "Yesterday, depressed; today manic? You seem in a much better mood."

"I am; I just needed some time. Like you said: It got better."

Illya grinned. "So you are now back to your normal nauseatingly upbeat self?"

"One of us has to be, my fatalistic Russian friend. I'm indebted to you for your understanding yesterday."

"I am your partner; what troubles you troubles me."

"That's why tonight is my treat."


	54. Solitude

"I understand enjoying your own company, Illya; I've been known to spend a day off home alone for no other reason than wanting peace and quiet. You, however, have raised being alone to an art form. It is not healthy to be alone all the time."

"Napoleon," the Russian sighed, "I think this is not about me wanting to spend time alone. This is about _you _wanting to spend time with _me._ We just spent fifty – odd hours together!"

"Yes, hanging upside down; hardly quality time. Our bond needs strengthening."

"Any stronger and we will be the same person."


	55. Family Photo

"Illya? You've lived here three years and this place still has that 'just moved in' look."

Confused, Illya looked around his apartment. "What do you mean?"

Napoleon waved his hand to encompass the space. "Nothing says 'Illya lives here,' not even a photograph. I realize you are a non – materialistic Communist, but you could have _one _thing that is not purely functional. I'll bring you something tomorrow."

The Russian sighed, "Fine."

The next day, Napoleon handed Illya a photograph of the two of them. "Here's a family portrait for your wall."

Illya swallowed, visibly moved. "Thank you."


	56. A Matter of Taste

"Just taste it, Napoleon! I promise you will like it!"

"And, if I don't?"

"You will, trust me."

The magic words: Trust me. Napoleon took the proffered toast point and bit into it. "This _is _good. Who knew roasted bone marrow would be?"

"World – class chefs, for one. You need to expand your palate as we often must eat what is available in the field; usually not steak and potatoes."

"I see no reason to eat bugs, feet, marrow and innards when unnecessary."

"Some cultures consider those foods delicacies. You are a food snob."

"You're right, I am."


	57. Softie

Napoleon checked his watch for what felt like the thousandth time. _He's never late! _Just as he grabbed his coat, the doorman announced Illya was on his way. A familiar knock sounded on his penthouse door moments later. Letting Illya enter he asked, "What kept you?"

"I apologize; I helped a lost child find her mother. The mother was…grateful. She tried to give me money! I refused saying it was my pleasure to help."

"No one believes me when I say that you are a softie! 'Saver of lost children, indeed!'"

"Don't you _dare _tell anyone, Napoleon!"


	58. The Secret of Their Success

Mr. Waverly sucked on his pipe as he contemplated his answer to his counterparts' question: What did he think was the reason for the success of the Solo – Kuryakin team?

"Gentlemen, this team has succeeded even beyond my expectations because they have broken espionage's First Rule: Trust no one. If one told the other the sky turned polka – dot, it would be believed without question. Each _knows _the other is completely trustworthy."

Number One Asia inquired, "Can we duplicate that?"

"One cannot capture lightning is a bottle, gentlemen; it either happens or it doesn't. It happened with them."


	59. Sunday Morning

_Peaceful Sunday morning; sleeping late, nowhere to be…_

A familiar knocking on the door, followed by a key unlocking it. _Bozhe moi, Napoleon with no Saturday night conquest is my Sunday morning nightmare! I am _not _getting out of bed, he will get the hint. No wonder people speculate on the nature of our partnership; he keeps narrowing the boundaries between us! He tousles my hair, calls me affectionate pet names in public, seeks out my opinion and company before anyone else's. I should tell him…_

"Illya, I brought brunch!"

_I will tell him he is my best friend. _


	60. Monday Morning

_Six forty - five comes around way too fast! Illya's going to be here any minute and if I'm not ready, he's going to complain about my caring about my appearance. _

_Well, why shouldn't I? I'm a good – looking man in his prime and the ladies appreciate it. Being attractive takes more than soap, water and an off the rack suit! _ _ It also takes a partner willing to take a beating or a bullet to protect you. _

"Napoleon! Are you ready?"

"Yes. Do you know you are my best friend?"

"You are a sentimental blockhead, Partner."


	61. Road Trip

"We are lost, Napoleon."

"We are _not!"_

"Mr. Waverly is expecting us in an hour! Leave it to you to forget to bring the map, we should have retrieved it like I suggested. 'We don't need it,' you said. 'I know how to get there,' you said."

"'Ow, my arm is broken' is what _you'll _be saying if you don't stop mocking me! There's the turn off now; we'll be there in a moment, Ye of Little Faith."

"I have faith in you, Napoleon . I just do not think you perfect."

"Well, maybe you should."


	62. Family Concerns

"Napoleon, are you alright?"

"Huh? Oh, yes; that was my sister on the phone. Mom had a medical issue that required a short hospital stay. She was annoyed that I was unavailable, I promised I would come this weekend assuming nothing comes up."

"It bothers you that you weren't able to be there, doesn't it?"

"She's my mother, Illya; it bothers me. I'm also the oldest."

"So, you have a duty."

"Yes. How do you tell your family that you have to save the world?"

"They know you love them."

"But is that enough?"

"One hopes."


	63. Lucky

"Miss Rogers, I'm expecting a delivery."

"Here it is, Sir, Agent Del Floria scanned it and sent it up an hour ago. The wrapping paper is lovely."

"I'm glad you approve. It's an anniversary gift for Mrs. Waverly; we've been married for forty years. I'm leaving early; we have dinner reservations."

"Congratulations, she is a lucky woman. Have a wonderful evening," she said as she exited his office.

The Old Man harrumphed and stroked the gift box. _Miss Rogers, _he thought, _Thank Heaven I have enough sense to know I am a lucky man indeed._


	64. Dental Problems

"Ow!" Napoleon exclaimed as he dropped his fork and grabbed his jaw, "My tooth broke!"

"Fortunately for you the dentist is in Medical today; go now before he gets busy."

"I'll just take some aspirin."

The Russian sat back and stared at his partner. He pointed and laughed, "You are afraid!"

Eyes narrowing, Napoleon declared, "I am not! I have reports to write is all."

"Prove it! Go get your tooth fixed. We leave for Algiers in three days. This cannot be an issue. Seriously; go, Napoleon. Now."

"Will you accompany me?"

"_Da. _I will protect you!"

"Fun_ny_."


	65. Saying Goodbye, A Sugar & Spies Drabble

Napoleon and Illya had finished packing for their trip to Los Angeles with Mr. Waverly. They would be gone for three days. Illya came out of his bedroom and called Leona from hers.

He knelt to speak to the four year old. "Daddy and I are will be gone for a few days, but we'll be home Friday."

"But Papa, we'll be in pieces! I'll miss you!"

"Do you mean 'apart'?" Napoleon asked as he walked toward them.

"No, I mean 'not together, in pieces;' like a puzzle."

Illya hugged her close. "We will miss you, too."


	66. Self - Defense Moves

Illya and Napoleon had finished their sparring session and were entering the locker room when Lisa Rogers and several secretaries exited their locker room and lined up around the floor mats.

"Napoleon," she called sweetly, "Would you please help me demonstrate some self – defense moves?"

Napoleon bowed and answered, "Of course," before walking to her side.

"Grab me from behind." He complied and Lisa said, "Ladies, if grabbed like this; do _this!"_

Napoleon collapsed in pain when her foot found his privates.

Illya stepped forward to help him. "It hurt when I was the demonstration dummy yesterday," he said sympathetically.


	67. Watching Television

"Dinner was excellent, Napoleon. Thank you."

"You're welcome, Tovarisch. Let's watch Ed Sullivan."

"What is that thing supposed to be?"

Napoleon replied, "That's Topo Gigio, the Italian mouse. I like him, he's funny."

Illya rolled his eyes amusedly. "You like a little mouse puppet!" he laughed, "How…_cute._ If THRUSH could see you now!"

"Not so fast, you hypocritical Russian! You were laughing at Speedy Gonzalez cartoons yesterday! I prefer my puppet to your cartoon character any day."

"Speedy is funny! However, I sincerely hope no one discovers how much we like ethnic rodents."

"Me, too."


	68. First Day, A Sugar & Spies Drabble

Napoleon checked the bag carefully. "Everything is in there," he said solemnly.

"Good," Illya replied. "I have found suitable clothing. Mr. Waverly expects us to handle this within the allotted timeframe. We must stick to the schedule."

"I know, Tovarisch. It's going to be a little stressful, though."

The Russian gave a sad grin. "Yes, but nothing we cannot handle. We both knew this day was coming."

Napoleon sat on his bed. "Who knew Leona's first day of pre – school would be so traumatic?"

"Napoleon, I will laugh if you cry."

"We'll see who's crying tomorrow."


	69. Fall

"I love this time of year," Illya said as he and Napoleon exited Del Floria's on their way to JFK to head west to determine if THRUSH had figured out a way to beat the house in Las Vegas to fill their coffers. "The temperature and humidity are quite comfortable and I do not sweat through my clothes."

Napoleon replied, "September in New York is a beautiful time of year. Too bad we'll be in Vegas as the temperature there will be in the upper 90s all week."

"THRUSH will regret forcing me to Vegas."

"I'm sure."


	70. Happy Birthday, A Sugar & Spies Drabble

"Go ahead, Leona. Remember what I told you," Napoleon whispered to the three year old as they stood outside Illya's bedroom door.

"Yes, Daddy," she whispered back before knocking on the door.

"Who is it?"

"Leona Nicole!"

"Come."

The little girl ran to the bed, climbed up and began to kiss the Russian's head. "Happy birfday, Papa! Happy birfday!"

Illya laughed as he hugged her close. "Thank you, Daughter! I could not have asked for a better way to wake up than your face and kisses."

"Daddy is making a special breakfast!"

"This day just keeps getting better."


	71. Fog

Illya awoke in his studio and even though the sun wouldn't rise for another hour, he could see fog outside. _Fog is an agent's best friend, _he thought as he showered and dressed.

Napoleon awoke and discovered his penthouse view hidden behind a fog curtain. As he left for the office he thought, _I hope this burns off soon._

The partners met in the Commissary. "Lousy morning," Napoleon groused.

Illya grinned. "I disagree; a foggy morning saved my life during a mission in London years before I met you."

Napoleon replied, "I guess that changes my opinion slightly."


	72. Reading Material

"What are you reading?" Illya had come to Napoleon's for dinner and television. He picked the magazine up and frowned. "Mad magazine?" He flipped through it and snorted, "What is the purpose of this foolishness?"

Taking it from the Russian's hand, Napoleon answered, "The 'purpose,' dear Illya, is laughter. Don't you ever read something just for fun?"

"_Nyet."_

Napoleon went to his room to retrieve the TV Guide. Upon his return he observed, "I thought you didn't read anything so foolish as Mad."

Illya sniffed, "I do not, but I want to read 'Spy vs. Spy.'"


	73. The Holidays are Coming!

"We're coming into my favorite time of the year, Illya. Late October through December makes me happy."

His new partner looked up from his report. "Why is that?"

"During Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's we celebrate fun, food, family and friends; the Four Fs of Life. You'll see."

Furrowing his brows, Illya asked, "What? How?"

Napoleon smiled. "Because working or not, we'll be together and I am making it my personal mission to acclimate you to American holidays."

"These holidays exist in England, Napoleon. They are celebrated there."

"Not like they are in the USA."


	74. Waste Not

"Aunt Amy wants to know if you have made Thanksgiving plans yet."

"She is not going to visit your sister like last year?"

"No, she told me the kids were wild and the adults were boring. She'd rather stay in Manhattan. I told her I will cook plus order a meal. That way, if we have a mission, she'll still have her catered meal."

"But if we do _not _have a mission, she will have two complete meals prepared! Is that not wasteful?"

"Not with you around, Partner Mine."

"Tell Aunt Amy I will be honored to come."


	75. Hurricane

Illya and Napoleon stood looking out Mr. Waverly's window at the vicious storm that was Hurricane Donna. The weather was ferocious; even THRUSH seemed to have hunkered down for the duration. The agents were sharing a room in HQ for the duration.

"This is something America has that the USSR does not envy."

Napoleon nodded, "Fortunately, they don't happen often. HQ's metal walls are wind and waterproof, so all our technology is safe as is the staff."

"If you gentlemen are finished storm watching, some of us have actual work to do."

"We were just leaving, Sir."


	76. Election Day

"Illya, come with me. I have something to do before lunch."

"I am hungry, Napoleon, can it not wait until after?"

"No." He started walking briskly knowing the Russian would follow. Fifteen minutes later, they walked into an elementary school. Napoleon signed in, showed his ID and motioned for Illya to enter the voting booth with him.

As Napoleon made his choices and flipped the lever, Illya said, "This is the most amazing thing about America: You choose your leadership. Why are there so few people voting? I do not understand how people ignore their civic duty."

"Neither do I."


	77. Election Day II

"Congratulate me, I picked a winner!" Napoleon beamed as they watched the election results later that night.

Illya listened with acute interest as the losing candidate conceded defeat. He nodded as Napoleon explained, "The concession speech is the second most important moment of the election process. It legitimizes the winner's victory and informs the loser's supporters that it is time to give up the fight and come back together as a unified nation. Our government would fail and fall apart if the loser did not support the President – Elect."

"This really is an amazing country," Illya said.

"Indeed."


	78. Thanksgiving Day

"Napoleon, how many people have you invited for Thanksgiving dinner?"

"Just you."

"What _is_ all this?"

"Well, Dinner's at four, but we need appetizers to watch 'March of the Wooden Soldiers' and then football, so there are deviled eggs, celery, olives, nuts and beer, of course. Dinner will be turkey with stuffing, lasagna, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, salad, cranberry sauce, apple cider, broccoli rabe, apple pie for dessert and wine."

"Obviously, I am spending the night here because I will be incapable of movement."

"Then my mission will be accomplished. Have an egg."

"_Spacibo,_ my friend."

"Happy Thanksgiving!"


	79. Sentimental

"Why do you look tired?"

"I had a date, the fourth this week. I'll be so glad when the holidays are over. Women become even more demanding of attention and if I don't give it…Let's just say winter will be very cold."

"Who will you be with Christmas Eve?"

"You and Aunt Amy."

"Who will you take out New Year's Eve?"

"You and Aunt Amy."

"I refuse to kiss you."

"That's okay; Aunt Amy will kiss us both. I'd rather be with you two than anyone else."

"Holidays make you sentimental."

"They do."


	80. Private Conversation

"Miss Rogers, did you go to Cartier's?"

"Yes, Mr. Waverly; on my way home yesterday. I say, that bracelet you picked out for Mrs. Waverly is simply stunning. She is going to love it."

He harrumphed, "I hope so. I was away so much for so many years that I feel I must make it up to her."

"Sir, I've seen the two of you; she loves you and knows you adore her. You're very fortunate."

"Miss Rogers, you will love again one day. Mr. Schofield would want you to be happy."

"Thank you. You're right."


	81. It's a New Day

Napoleon hung up the phone and sighed, "I'm losing my mojo."

"What is 'mojo' and how are you losing it?"

"That was Brenda breaking our date. That's the third broken date this month."

The Russian grinned, "I see. Perhaps if you were not racing through the secretarial staff like a bull in a china shop, you might be more successful."

Napoleon leaned closer. "What have you heard?"

"UNCLE's women are starting to buy into the Women's Liberation movement and want to be treated better by you and I agree."

"Whose side are you on?"

"Theirs."

"Traitor."


	82. It's a New Day, Part II

"Napoleon, you have to admit that women are more capable than American society believes. April Dancer is the first female Section II, but I doubt she will be the last. If you do not change your perception of women and their roles, I fear your tenure as CEA might be jeopardized."

"You think Mr. Waverly would _remove_ me?" Napoleon asked incredulously.

"I think it is within the realm of possibility." Napoleon stood and put on his coat. "Where are you going?"

"Home. You've given me a lot to think about, Partner. 'Night."

_You will make the right choice, Napoleon._


	83. It's a New Day, Part III

Napoleon sat sipping a scotch in his living room by his fire, Illya's words reverberating in his mind. _The Old Man wanted a female agent for the same reason he wanted a Soviet; to make UNCLE evolve. That's what I have to do, evolve. April Dancer's scores and grades in Survival School were impressive and Cutter! _He _said she has what it takes. So….._

Illya answered his phone, "Yes?"

"Illya, I intend to treat April as a true equal."

"Great, Napoleon! Will you also do that for the support staff?"

"Baby steps, Illya, baby steps."

"I see."


	84. Russian Blue

"Why so blue, Tovarisch? It's a new year," Napoleon said as he entered their office to see Illya sitting at his desk, head in hand, seemingly lost in thought.

"The old year is gone along with all my hopes and dreams. Year endings always sadden me, Napoleon. They remind me there are things I can never get back. It is the Russian in me."

Concerned, Napoleon asked, "What can I do for you?"

"Nothing. The New Year reminds me that there are new dreams and hopes for which to strive. I will survive; it is the Russian in me."


	85. Back to Business

"Well, Illya, the holidays are over, it's a new year and time to get back to business."

"Yes."

"I've put away all my decorations and gifts and thrown away my Christmas cards. It's time now to stop looking back and start looking to the future."

"You have another three miles to run on the treadmill, Napoleon."

"I know. Skinny Russian! The least you could have done was gain weight. I put on ten pounds!"

"You will lose it quickly, I am sure."

"Next holiday season, I'll watch what I eat."

"I have heard that before."

"Quiet."


	86. A Moment of Self - Doubt

"April?"

"Mark."

"What's wrong, Luv? Your face looks like a thundercloud."

"I had some words with some of the 'ladies' in Communications. They were talking about me in the locker room. They believe that I'm a slut because I had sex training in Survival School."

"Just like every other Section II."

"No, not like every other Section II; I'm a woman, so now I'm 'ruined;' no decent man will want me. I 'suggested' strongly that they not discuss me again or things might become unpleasant."

"You don't believe that poppycock, do you?"

"Maybe I do."


	87. Leona's Valentines, A Sugar & Spies Tale

"Daddy, what's a balentine?"

"What, Sweetie?"

"In school, we're making Balentine's Day cards. Joey said he wants my card because he's my boyfriend."

Illya sputtered, "_Boyfriend? _You are _five! _Who is this Joey?"

"Oh, you mean a _Valentine. _A Valentine's card is for someone you love."

"Papa, Joey's my friend, but I told him he's not my boyfriend. I told him the only boys I love are you and Daddy. I'm making you both Balentine's cards!"

"Daughter, you make us proud! We will be your boyfriends for years."

"Yes," Leona replied.


	88. Hump Day

"Hooray for Hump Day!"

Illya's face crinkled in confusion. "What is a hump and why does it have a day?"

Napoleon laughed aloud, "You misunderstand! Hump Day is a euphemism for Wednesday. Two days behind us and two days before the weekend and my date with Christina from Translations. Tell me you don't like Fridays."

The Russian shrugged. "I was used to working six and seven days a week for the KGB. One day is very like any other."

"What if I tell you I will treat you to brunch on Sunday?"

"I cannot wait for the weekend."


	89. An Observation

"Here they come; watch."

Eyes followed the four agents as they silently entered the Commissary, got their food and sat down. Without a word, salt and pepper shakers were shared and napkins passed. Napoleon pushed his plate slightly toward Illya who plucked French fries from it to pop into his mouth. April finished her salad and then helped Mark eat his slice of cherry pie. Mark discarded their trays and came back with coffee for Napoleon and tea for everyone else. They left having never spoken a word.

"They know each other better than husbands and wives!"

"I want that."


	90. Tasty

"Ummm, this peanut butter sandwich is _exquisite_," Illya moaned as he took another bite. He and Napoleon were sitting in his apartment having lunch.

Napoleon slurped his milk and replied, "Hey, I enjoy a good PB&J as much as anyone, but I wouldn't call it 'exquisite'."

Illya put the remainder into his mouth and drank his tea. "Have you ever tasted something and it tasted _exactly_ the way you imagined it? That did."

"Illyusha, only you could raise eating a peanut butter sandwich with a cup of hot tea to orgasmic heights."

"I like peanut butter sandwiches, Napoleon."


	91. Reading for Pleasure

The two men were relaxing in their hotel room before their flight. Illya asked, "What are you reading, Napoleon?"

"Louis L'Amour's Hondo. You?"

"Edward West's Biophysical Chemistry."

"Good grief, Illya, don't you ever turn off?"

"What do you mean?"

"Don't you ever read something just for pleasure?"

"This is pleasurable."

"My dear deluded friend, here; _this _is pleasurable."

"Silver Canyon? How many L'Amour novels do you own?"

"All of them. If you like that one, I'll let you borrow them. They'll teach you about the Old West."

"So, they are educational?"

"Okay."


	92. Making Excuses

"Celia, I'm so sorry, but duty calls. I _must _leave," Napoleon said as he finished dressing and kissed his latest conquest as she sat with the sheets draped around her. "You're beautiful; I had a wonderful time." He shoved his feet into his shoes. "Bye, baby," he said as he let himself out.

He exited the building, walked a block and got into the passenger side of a parked car. "Thanks, Partner; she was getting too clingy."

"Communicators were not made to extricate you from clingy women. One day, this will backfire badly."

"You're probably right, Illya."


	93. On Second Thought

"Mr. Solo, what do you think about the burgeoning friendship between Miss Dancer and Mr. Kuryakin?"

Napoleon answered, "Mr. Waverly, I think it is beneficial for both of them. They are fish out of water: The only Russian and the only female agents UNCLE has. They understand each other in ways that neither Mr. Slate nor I can."

"Do you think it would be better if _they_ were partnered?"

"No, Sir. Illya is a perfect match for me in the field; Mark feels the same about April."

"And, you don't think their partnership would be better."

"Not for me."


	94. The Dinner

"Thanks for inviting me to dinner, Tovarisch. What are we having tonight?"

"Roast chicken, baked potatoes with butter and sour cream, corn on the cob and vanilla ice cream."

Napoleon's eyes widened in surprise. "Illya! You've learned to _cook!"_

"I have learned to set the oven to 350, clean chicken, add salt and pepper and put it in a pan with washed potatoes. It is hardly cooking."

"Considering your usual Chinese takeout, this is a feast, indeed. Everything tastes great!"

The Russian blushed, "Thank you."

"Now you have to get real plates."

"One thing at a time, Napoleon."


	95. April and Sal

April stepped through the entrance of Del Floria's and smiled at the gentleman manning the steam press. "Good morning," she looked around quickly, "Agent Del Floria."

"Good morning! You call me Sal, okay? Then no worries if Innocents are here."

"Only if you call me April."

"Agreed. You're here early."

"Mark and I are flying to Sicily today so I want to clear off my desk."

"I'll give you names of wonderful restaurants in Palermo and Bari. If you have time, you go."

"That's lovely, Sal."

"We look out for each other, April."

"That we do."


	96. Redeye Flight

The two agents emerged from TWA's terminal, one looked weary and unkempt while the other looked fairly well rested.

"I hate not sleeping on the redeye," Napoleon fumed. "Now I need Visine."

"You _do_ look slightly hung-over," Illya observed, "I was able to sleep extremely well."

"I guess so; you were using _me_ as a pillow! My eyes are red and puffy, my arm is sore, my suit's a mess; Mr. Waverly's going to think he's meeting with Quasimodo."

Illya snorted, "As long as he does not think I am Esmeralda!"

"You're a riot."


	97. A Walk in the Park, A Sugar & Spies Tale

Napoleon and Leona strolled hand in hand in Central Park near the reservoir. "Look at the mother duck and her babies!" Daddy said excitedly. "Do you know what baby ducks are called?"

"Ducklings!" shouted the three year old, "They're delicious with ketchup and French fries!"

Napoleon burst out laughing and hunkered down to look into her face. "Oh, really?" he chuckled.

"Yes and those are geese," she said as she pointed to swimming birds. "They taste good at Christmas with cranberry sauce and gravy!"

Napoleon wiped tears from his face and stood up. "You are truly Papa's daughter."


	98. Two Firsts Together

"Mark, any lunch plans?"

"Napoleon! No plans. April is 'aving lunch with Illya; says they 'ave 'things' to discuss."

"You sound jealous."

"I'm not jealous, but this is the fourth time in two weeks that they've 'eaded out without us. We're their partners! They can tell us anything!"

Napoleon clapped Mark's shoulder. "First Russian, first female in UNCLE, they have feelings of isolation in common, I guess."

"Survival School trained us to 'ave our partners' back. I feel like I'm letting April down somehow."

"You're not. They know we're here for them."

"Right."


	99. Something Old

"What's wrong, Illya? You look like you want to punch a hole in the wall."

The Russian sat frowning at his typewriter. "It's broken and I have to finish the mission report today."

"So? Go sit in the secretarial pool. I'm sure someone must be out sick."

"I am used to this typewriter! It is old, but it suits me. I do not like having to learn how to use a newer model when I have work to do."

Napoleon cracked up, "You sound like an old man set in his ways!"

"I am what I am."


	100. The Love Game: A Sugar & Spies Drabble

"Leona, I love you."

"I love you more, Papa."

Papa held his arms wide. "I love you _this _much," he answered solemnly.

Leona said, "I love you _this _much!" before running from one wall of her bedroom to the other.

Illya beamed at his four year old daughter. "I love you more than chocolate."

"I love you more than chocolate, all the sand on the beach, candy, butterflies and everything!"

"I think you win!"

"Win what?"

"Daddy! I love Papa more than everything!" She jumped into Daddy's arms. "I love you as much as Papa!"

"Then, we all win."


	101. Another Observation

Lisa Rogers brought memos into Mr. Waverly's office for his signature. He was on the phone and she started to leave, but was stopped by his waving hand. She smiled as he was obviously speaking with his wife.

"Yes, dear girl. I'll be on my way shortly. I've missed you, too. Yes, I remember our night in Marseilles. I think revisiting that night would be lovely, too. I'll bring home a bottle of wine. The feeling is mutual. Goodbye." He looked at her smiling face. "One is never too old for romance, Miss Rogers."

"No, sir."


	102. Expense Report

"Mr. Solo, please explain the meaning of this expense report. Two thousand dollars to replace your _shoes and clothing?_"

Napoleon, who had known this meeting was coming, was ready. "Mr. Waverly, somehow THRUSH tracked Illya and me to our hotel and bombed our room. You know part of my cover was to attend that black tie affair. I had to replace on short notice my tuxedo, shirt, and shoes along with my other clothing."

"But, a _silk_ tuxedo and shirt? Mr. Kuryakin's total reimbursement request is only $200!"

"Mr. Kuryakin's wardrobe is off the rack, Sir."

"I see."


	103. A Poetic Interlude

"What's that you're reading, Illya?"

"A book."

"I can see, smart – alecky Russian."

"It is 'Sonnets from the Portuguese' by Elizabeth Barrett Browning."

"_Poetry?_ I didn't take you for the poetic type, Tovarisch."

"I am Russian; poetry is in my blood. It moves through me with every beat of my heart. It makes my reality a little brighter and colors my dreams with vivid images of pure imagination. I enjoy reading it."

"You sound like you could enjoy writing poetry, Illya. Have you ever tried?"

"I have."

"May I read it?"

"Let me think about that, Napoleon."


	104. First Warm Day

Napoleon took off his jacket and swung it jauntily over his shoulder. "I love this weather! Sunny, eighty – four…"

"Humid, hot," Illya grumbled, "I do not like it."

"Partner Mine, you've been living in New York for a while; you should be acclimated to this weather by now. This is the best season."

"The best season is winter; the air is fresh and clean and smells good."

The brunet winced. "I have never like cold weather."

"Partner Mine," Illya mimicked, "you have been living here a long time; you should be acclimated by now."

"Sarcasm doesn't become you."


	105. One of Those Days

"_Chyort!_" the Russian snarled, crumbling up another piece of paper and throwing it in the garbage.

"One of those days, Partner?"

"_Da. _I am attempting to resolve a problem with my experiment and making no progress. I have been at it for hours."

"Take a break. You're too close to the problem. Let's get something to eat."

"Hello, boys. Join me."

"Hi, April."

"April. Forgive me, I am not good company; I am working on a problem."

"Poor darling. I'm sure you will find the answer."

"April, seeing you makes me not care."

"That makes my day!"


	106. Dinner Plans

"Good morning, Sal."

The tailor looked up. "Alex! How are you, my friend?"

"I'm well. My wife and I have decided to have a dinner party Saturday and would like you and Carmella to be our guests. It has been far too long since the four of us have socialized."

Sal's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Just the four of us? Your children won't be there?"

"No and neither will Mssrs. Solo and Kuryakin. Sometimes, it is enjoyable to talk to people of the same age who remember and appreciate the same things."

"It is indeed, Alex."


	107. Volunteer

"Illya, please get me some aspirin, my head's killing me."

"You look terrible! Did you get the information?"

"Yes, after spending hours in some dive bar on 42nd Street drinking the worst swill I have ever had the misfortune to drink. Undercover work _stinks_! My wig itched, those glasses dented my nose and if he'd told one more lame joke, I would have darted him."

"UNCLE thanks you for your sacrifice, Napoleon," Illya avowed, "Come, I will drive you home."

"Remind me never to volunteer again."

"You know you would do it again."

"You're right."

"I know."


	108. Guess What? A Sugar & Spies Drabble

"Daddy, guess what?" Leona asked as Napoleon came through the front door.

He kissed her and said, "What?"

"Tomorrow is the Fourth of July! 'Merica's birthday!"

"_A_merica and yes, I know. Papa and I have the day off and we'll be barbecuing on the terrace. Aunt April and Uncle Mark will be here. Hi, Papa."

"Hello. The Greers know we are staying home since we must work Friday."

"I'm hungry, Daddy. So is Papa."

"I'll start dinner. Guess what, Leona?"

"What?"

"Papa's going to help cook tomorrow!"

"_What?_"

"Time to learn to cook, Papa."


	109. First Kill

"Never thought I'd see this balcony again,"

"Wot are you goin' on about, Luv?"

"My first kill was right here, Mark. Four years ago. I can't believe THRUSH returned here! Before we were matched up; I was on a mission with Illya while Napoleon recuperated in Medical. The satrap leader had gotten the drop on him and was holding him on this balcony with a gun to his head. Thought I wouldn't shoot."

"So?"

"I blew off the right side of his face. That was the day Illya said he knew I'd make a good agent."


	110. First Kill II

"What about you, Darling? Do you remember your first kill?"

The Englishman put his pen down and leaned back in his seat. His eyes looked off at a point above April's shoulder. "Yes," he answered, "I was in 'and to 'and combat with the largest THRUSHie I 'ad ever seen. I remember thinking one of us is about to die. That thought pushed me 'arder until I snapped his neck, finally."

April leaned across her desk. "Oh, Darling, how horrible for you."

Mark nodded. "Killing someone with your bare 'ands; it doesn't _get_ more personal than that, Luv."


	111. Hot Night

Napoleon's phone rang three times before he was awake enough to answer. "Hello?" he rasped.

"It is I, Napoleon."

The tone of voice made him sit straight up in bed. "Illya? What's wrong? What time is it?"

"Midnight. I cannot sleep; it is 90 degrees outside and it must be 110 in here."

"Oh, poor baby! Do you want to come and sleep with me under the air conditioning?" Napoleon teased in a high voice.

"If you do not mind."

"Your bed is already made up, Partner. Use your key. I'm going back to sleep."

"I am in your debt."


	112. Promise

Napoleon awoke from a nightmare with a start. He looked around the hotel room and saw that Illya was sitting at the table. "Are you alright, Napoleon? You look like you have seen a ghost."

His head fell back on the pillow. "Bad dream, Partner." He sat up and stared at the Russian. "Illya, I just want to tell you: I love you like a brother. I can't imagine my life without you in it. Promise me you won't die."

"_Boszhe moi, _that must have been some nightmare! Tell me about it."

"I can't. Promise me!"

"I cannot."

"I know."


	113. Mr Popularity

Napoleon groaned when the phone rang for what seemed the hundredth time that morning. "Please answer that, Tovarisch, it's probably another secretary wanting me to escort her to UNCLE's dinner dance. Whose stupid idea _was _that, anyway?"

"Your superior's," Illya replied as he answered the phone. "Kuryakin. No, he is not. I will tell him," he said before hanging up.

Napoleon held up his hand. "Don't tell me; I've made up my mind who I'm taking."

"Who?"

"You. Unless you have a date, let's go stag so I can avoid alienating my dating pool."

"You are lucky I like you."


	114. Not Much Time Left

"Today is the last day of July," Napoleon griped, "and I haven't had a chance to go to the beach _once._"

"Napoleon, I would not know what to do if I did not hear at least one complaint from you daily."

"Just because you like to be as white as a polar bear doesn't mean the rest of us don't want a tan. Women find my tan quite attractive and I'm looking positively pasty."

"If THRUSH captures us in August, I will tell them you wish to be interrogated in the sunlight."

"You really are a smart – alecky Russian."

"_Da._"


	115. Movie Night

"April, would you like to see a movie tonight?"

"Oh, Illya Darling, can we go see Nevada Smith? Steve McQueen plays a half – Indian man determined to track down his parents' killers."

"If you wish. You like this actor, Steve McQueen?"

April smiled, "Oh yes! He's so handsome and all man. He rides motorcycles in real life and did I say he's handsome?"

"Twice."

"I may be a big, bad UNCLE agent, but I have a schoolgirl crush on that man."

"I see."

"Darling, don't be jealous. You're the only man whose bed I want to share."

"I am glad."


	116. Napoleon Appreciation Day

Napoleon entered his office and stared at his desk. "What's all this?" he asked his partner.

"Today is something called 'Bosses' Appreciation Day' and some staff got you cards."

Delighted, he sat down and read through the pile, placing each card on display. "This is very nice, but nothing from my own partner?" he pouted.

Rolling his eyes Illya replied, "You are my first and best friend and my brother and I would die for you. What else must I say?"

"I'm your favorite boss."

"You are my favorite blockhead. Do you want that in a card?"

"No, I'm good."


	117. Male Eggs, A Sugar & Spies Drabble

Leona and Napoleon were lying on the couch watching television when Illya came home from work. "Why are you two lazing about on a beautiful Saturday afternoon?"

The three year old ran to Papa and said as he picked her up, "Daddy has male eggs, so I'm keeping him company. I think he needs cookies and milk."

Illya's eyebrows shot skyward. "Napoleon?"

"_Malaise _is what I said. I'm with my favorite nurse; I'll be fine. Right, Leona?"

"Right!"

"I will bring cookies and milk for us all. Stay with Daddy."

"Thanks, Partner Mine. You are the best."

"You are welcome."


	118. Kitchen Fallout

"I really don't understand, Illya. You have a Ph.D. for Pete's sake! What is the problem?" Napoleon griped as he sat by the open window to get fresh air. "You almost burned your apartment down!"

The Russian blushed. "I thought if I turned the oven to 500, the roast would cook faster. I forgot to factor in that it would become…very well done."

Napoleon guffawed. "Let's go eat in a less…_smoky _environment. I appreciate your attempt to make dinner, but from now on, order takeout."

Illya sighed, "I _will _conquer the kitchen one day."

"Hope does springs eternal, Partner Mine."


	119. Their Favorite Lady

The woman answered the phone on the fifth ring. "Hello?"

"Aunt Amy! Are you free Sunday early afternoon? Illya and I would love to take you to brunch."

"Sweet nephew, wouldn't you two rather escort some lovely young lady?"

"_You _are the only young lady whose company we desire. Will you join us?" Napoleon smiled as his aunt giggled like a schoolgirl.

"Of course, see you Sunday."

"She is coming?"

"Yes. It amazes me how much I love my aunt; she has enriched my life so much. I adore her."

"You are _so _sentimental. I love her, too."

"I know."


	120. Separation

The communicator began to chirp insistently until the sheet – covered body stirred into life. "Dancer."

"Morning, Duck!" Mark's chipper voice responded. "We've been called to duty. The Old Man wants to see us in an hour. Shall I pick you up?"

"No, Darling. Be a love and get me a large coffee and I'll meet you in Waverly's office? That will save us both time."

"Your wish is my command. Slate out."

A blond head emerged. "_Chyort, _so much for a weekend together. I knew it was too good to be true."

"Illya, don't pout. Think of my return."

"_Da._"


End file.
